>>On your recent  blog post about overusing “was” – can you do a follow up with ideas how to avoid it? I was reamed for using choppy fragmented sentences – but that’s my usual defense against “was”. So instead of  “His smile was slow and sexy” I would put “A slow a sexy smile”.

And I HATE using  “offered or gave” as verb substitutions into expressions…. I also hate starting sentences with His or She if you feel like putting your editor hat on… Suggestions/ideas?<<

I’m assuming she meant “A slow and sexy smile.”

Here is the response I sent her:

There are a few different ways to rewrite a WAS sentence. Some use “his” or “she” and some don’t. He answered my anger with a slow, sexy smile. A slow, sexy smile lit up his face. (I don’t like that one). That smile. Damn. So slow and sexy. Slow and sexy — that’s how I’d describe his smile. He had a way of making my knees weak with just a look. I watched the other women watching him. Taking in his hot body, his tanned skin, that slow, sexy smile.

I see WAS used to “tell” MUCH more often than I see it used in passive sentences. And I think it boils down to laziness*. It takes a lot more effort, and sometimes quite a few more words, to show (and get rid of was). Author needs to decide what it is they want to “show” the reader in any particular scene – or even paragraph – and then figure out a way to do that. It’s ever so much easier to just come right out and tell something. He was gorgeous. (Yawn). The sky was blue. She was angry. But author can create a much more vivid description by using more words and describing details, rather than providing an overall, one sentence summary.

BUT. It’s okay to use short, choppy sentences, as long as they make sense, and as long as you mix them up with longer descriptions. Your example – A slow and sexy smile. – is unclear. A slow and sexy smile, what? It’s an incomplete thought. You can use short/choppy, as long as you finish the thought. For instance… I peeked at him from beneath my lashes. Wow. Talk about hot. Tall. Dark. Handsome. And that smile! Slow and sexy…. Just, wow!

I used very short, choppy sentences. But everything is there. A complete picture. A complete thought. Easy to following. No lingering questions.

Now, I’ll elaborate a little here.

*Not always, but much of the time, that’s what I’m finding out (see asterisk above). I know sometimes it’s a matter of not knowing there’s something wrong, or knowing, but not knowing how to fix it. And these are usually the areas where an author gets upset w/their editor. Taking “tell” and making it into “show” requires a lot of red ink. Some authors get annoyed or angry. Editors receive emails with questions like, “If you hated my book so much, why did you contract it?” Or statements like, “You’re changing my voice/style. I don’t write like this. It doesn’t even sound like my story anymore.”  All I can say to that is 1) authors should always be open to learning something new and applying what they’ve learned to their stories, and 2) if “telling” is a big part of an author’s “voice,” the author might consider revising their style.

And to really mix things up and confuse you…sometimes, it’s okay to tell. But in my opinion, those instances are rare. If you’re writing sentences like: She was angry. He was tired. They were tired.  — you’re telling, and you’re not giving the reader anything they can “see” – you’re not putting them in the story. So when is it okay to “tell”? When you want to move things along. Or when you want to quickly set the scene. When something must happen so the story moves along, but it’s not incredibly important to the story or the plot. Mundane things the reader must know, but they don’t need to see every detail. These instances normally don’t involve the word WAS, though.

They’re more like this – “Johnny spent six hours searching for his Nintendo controller.” That’s an example of an author imparting information via telling, and most likely, this works just fine. Unless it’s terribly important your readers see all the details of this six-hour search, then it’s perfectly acceptable to just tell them he searched, what he searched for, and how long it took.  Mary got ready for work. That’s telling. Depending on the story, this might be fine. On the other hand, the author might want to use this as an opportunity to impart some sort of information about Mary. Maybe Mary has something like OCD, or maybe she’s got a phobia…she’s afraid to leave the house. So as she goes through her morning ritual, the author can show an increase in Mary’s anxiety, culminating in her inability to turn the doorknob and step outside. Only the author knows when it’s appropriate to tell rather than show. At least, the author should know. In the above instance, when I said it may be okay to “tell” by using Mary got ready for work – even if there’s nothing important the author can impart to the reader by using a longer description, they still might wish to show. Just depends. An entire book filled with short, “telling” sentences will quickly grow boring.

Mary got ready for work. She arrived at the office at 9:00 a.m., on the dot. She spent the next eight hours typing up her boss’ memos. Afterward, she went home and fixed supper. She spent the next two hours watching television, and then she went to bed.

Great. What was the point of all that? Now, if you want to do something like that, and then say something like, She did the same thing. Day after day after day. Then you turn all the “telling” into something more important. You’ve just let the reader know something important about Mary and Mary’s life…and all that boring telling? It works, because it perfectly portrays Mary’s boring existence. But if you do something like this, even though it works, you better quickly move on to more descriptive, “showing” writing. Take the readers deeper into the story, or you’re going to lose them.

So there you have my opinion/ideas on show vs. tell vs. both. Key is knowing the rules and knowing when to break them. Always strive for balance, and keep in mind, your job as an author is to create and maintain the fictional dream.

Here’s an interesting link I found on Show vs. Tell. Although I don’t agree with everything this person says, and some of his (her?) examples make me a little crazy (lol), I still think there’s some good information here. http://jerz.setonhill.edu/writing/creative1/showing/#deeper

Why? Because when I see a manuscript filled with the word WAS, I immediately think one of three things:

1. The author doesn’t know any better. He or she is new(ish), and he/she shows potential, this manuscript might still be worth saving. With the help of a good editor, said “Was-ie” manuscript might turn out great. And new author will learn something he/she will apply to the next story. I hope.

2. The author knows better, but doesn’t care. They may or may not know how to make appropriate changes – but they’ll pretend like they do. Further, they aren’t interested in making any changes, so the addition of a good editor to the mix isn’t going to help the matter. This author usually thinks they know everything there is to know – or everything they need to know to get by, and that their books are “just fine” the way they are. They’re usually previously published, sometimes multiple times, and experience has convinced them they have no need to continue learning or refining their craft. Why bother, if publishers keep offering them contracts and readers keep buying their books? Right? These authors will often make comments such as, “So and So (name of famous NY author) does X, Y, or Z all the time. If they can do it, I can do it.”

3. The author knows better, but doesn’t care enough to do anything about it on their own. They’re open to making changes. In many cases, they know their manuscript needs work. But rather than change anything on their own, they turn in a half-baked manuscript and rely heavily on their editor to do all the hard work.

Am I leaving out any other possibilities? Let me clarify – I am fully aware it’s necessary and appropriate to use the word WAS now and then when one is writing a story. I’m not talking about those books. I’m talking about the 7K word short story with 250 instances of the word WAS – oftentimes 2, 3, or more per sentence. Or the novel with 1538 instances of the word WAS.

Do you find yourself overusing the word WAS? Is this a word you address during revisions or self edits? If your story contains a multitude of WASeses, which category (above) do you fall into? Or did I miss one?

Authors who fall into category 1, I totally understand. We were all new once, and “show vs. tell” is one of the harder craft topics to master. But authors who fall into categories 2 and 3 . . . I just don’t get it. And out of the two, the one I really don’t get is number 3, believe it or not. #2-Category authors, well, I guess I need to face the fact that my goals may be different than theirs. Not everyone writes for the same reasons. Some authors write to put out as many “just fine” books as they can, and their primary goal, above all others, is making money. They are only interested in making minimal edits and putting a minimum amount of time into any one book. I may agree with approaching (or dismissing?) writer’s craft in this manner, but hey, like I said, we all have different goals.

But authors in category 3? I don’t understand them. LOL. Why would anyone turn in anything less than their best effort (assuming they don’t fall into category 2)? If an author knows his/her story needs fixes, and he/she knows how to do those fixes, why wouldn’t he/she do them during the revisions or self-editing process? Why would an author rely on their editor to make changes they know they’ll need to make anyway, before the book’s release?

Is this laziness, or something else? Maybe we’ve (publishers and their editors) inadvertently set low expectations, giving authors the impression that’s the editor’s job. Do authors – especially e-published authors – think an editor’s job is to do what authors used to understand were things they needed to handle during the revision process? Have editors added to this problem by “just handling” things (“because it’s easier for me to just do it”) instead of putting these things back on the author? If we’re doing this – and I have a sneaking suspicion many of us are – then we’re partly to blame. We (editors) may think we’re being helpful, but we’re only exacerbating the issue – we’re not really helping anyone. I don’t mean to belittle, but the best simile I can think of is that of a parent who constantly cleans up after a child. It’s just easier, right? If the parent cleans up the mess, it gets done quickly, and it gets done right the first time. No arguments. No tears. No going back and doing it again when it wasn’t done right the first time. But what is that parent actually teaching that child? The child learns it’s okay to make a mess and not clean up, and that if you do, someone (Mom or Dad) will come along behind him/her and clean it up for them.

I think something similar is happening with editors and their authors. Authors somehow acquired the impression that when a publisher contracts a book, they did so because said book is perfect…or nearly perfect…and they won’t be required to make any substantial changes. That’s a myth. Authors also somehow acquired the impression that it’s an editor’s job to clean up the mess. Not true. And again, editors who do so aren’t doing anyone any favors. New authors don’t grow this way – they don’t learn anything they can apply to their next manuscript. There’s never a change, never any improvement, because the editors do everything for them.

In my opinion, we (editors) should begin to put the job of cleaning up the basics – like passive writing and/or “telling” – back on the author. If the author is new, then the editor can take the time to teach the author how to do these things, but then they should back off and allow the author to make the bulk of these changes themselves. This allows the author to learn and apply these things to future manuscripts, to grow and improve. And as authors, we should always strive to improve, to learn and apply new tricks of craft to our stories.

Please note: The comments made in this post are not directed toward any one individual, and I had no single author in mind when I penned this post. This is not intended as an “author bashing” entry. I am very “pro” author, and as I said a couple times, editors who don’t require an author to complete appropriate revisions or self edits aren’t doing anyone any favors. In my opinion, it’s just as important to set appropriate expectations within the industry and assist an author in learning how to do something themselves as it is to release a well-edited book.

Thoughts?

Not Your Mother's Publishing Model

Not Your Mother’s Publishing Model – A Step-by-Step Guide to Becoming a Successful E-Published Author

I’ve compiled all the tips, tricks, organizational strategies, promo ideas, etc. I’ve learned over the past 9 years or so into one easy-to-follow guide. This book will provide you with all you need to know to become a successful, e-published author. Stay tuned for a release date, and meanwhile, check out the cool cover Fiona put together for me. I really like it and would never have thought to add a model/person. I like how the cover shows the contrast between old and new, with the ink well/quill and the girl on the laptop.

I’m excited about this book. It’s my first attempt at novel-length nonfiction, but if it’s successful, I have a feeling it won’t be my last. Helping aspiring authors has always been important to me, and I spend much of my time dispensing advice, editing friends’ manuscripts (even for publishers other than Noble), and thinking of ways to help “newbies” establish a foothold in this industry. This book seemed like a natural way to continue with that work.

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Sales – the following books are now 20% off. Sale ends May 26th, so don’t wait. Purchase your copies today!

A Bit of Rough by Lucy Felthouse
Angels Would Fall by JS Wayne
Angel of the Morning by JS Wayne
Out of the Closet by KevaD
Back in the Closet by KevaD
Sunday Awakening by KevaD
The Big Splash by Kit Marlowe
Chocolate, Tea and the Duchess by Brita Addams
Serenity’s Dream by Brita Addams
Lord Decadent’s Obsession by Brita Addams
Dragon Slayer by Fiona Jayde
Dragonetti’s Mountain by Sophia Roslyn
Fallen from Disgrace by Mindy MacKay
Hot Damn! by H.C. Brown
A Savage Lust by H.C. Brown
Hawke’s Purr-fect Mate by H.C. Brown
Purr-fect Seduction by H.C. Brown
Love Revisited: Nash and Paul by H.C. Brown
Burn by H.C. Brown
Delicious by H.C. Brown
The Vane, Book One: Shifters and Demons by H.C. Brown
A Long, Hot, Delicious Slide by H.C. Brown
Cyborg Doms Fane by H.C. Brown
Betrothed to the Enemy by H.C. Brown
My Purr-fect Alphas by H.C. Brown
Red Roses and Shattered Glass by H.C. Brown and Others
A Thief Too Many by Susan Palmquist
Her Indiscretion by Susan Palmquist
Omarati by D.C. Juris
Echoes of Possibilities by D.C. Juris and Others
Love Revisited: Jacob and Arlite by D.C. Juris
No Place Like Home by D.C. Juris
The Choirmaster by Justine Elyot
The Key by Averil Dean
Wet Sand by Averil Dean
Trey #3 by Bryl R. Tyne
Best Unspoken by Bryl R. Tyne
Cocked and Fully Loaded by Bryl R. Tyne and Others
Coin Operated Boy by Bryl R. Tyne
If I Were a Lady . . . . by Bryl R. Tyne
Ignited by Bryl R. Tyne
Love Revisited: Rye and Chal by Bryl R. Tyne
Between Elves by Stephanie Beck
A Captain’s Order, A Duke’s Command by Tamara Gill
To Sin with Scandal by Tamara Gill
Complete Circle by Roxanne Rhoads
An Unexpected Evening by Roxanne Rhoads
No Place I’d Rather Be by Roxanne Rhoads
Her Captive Muse by Indigo Skye
Love Me Tender by Heather Boyd
One Wicked Night by Heather Boyd
Bite Here by H.C. Brown and Stormy Glenn
Bite Here Too by H.C. Brown and Stormy Glenn
Floggers’ Holiday Sale by H.C. Brown and Stormy Glenn
Forbidden Love by H.C. Brown and Others
Lovely Wicked by Kari Gregg
Spoils of War by Kari Gregg

I think that’s it, for now. Check back soon for more updates. This is going to be a BUSY year!

So, without further ado, here is my first such post.

A word on tags — my views, anyway. Tags are an opportunity to do one of two things…

1. Either allow the (strong) dialogue to stand alone and speak for itself. In which case, you would use “said” or “replied” or “asked” (saidisms) because these words virtually disappear off the page and readers barely notice them. Or you’d use no tag at all, if the speaker is obvious based on the story context.

2. Build on characterization or the setting. In which case, you’d use action tags that show a character’s personality (She bit her lip. She averted her gaze. She twirled a strand of hair round and round her finger.) Or you’d use action tags that bring the setting into play (She picked up her china cup and took a sip of tea. She avoided his gaze and stared out the window, instead, following the path of a single, brown leaf as it fell slowly to earth.) There are a million great variations on this. Well, maybe not a million . . . but you can play with action tags to “show” a reader things that are happening around the character, or “show” them what’s going on, emotionally. Averting a gaze might indicate deception, despite the dialogue content. A character who says, “I love you,” but is unable to meet the other character’s gaze shows the reader the character is either being deceptive, or there’s more here than what’s on the surface.

Three things you don’t want to do with dialogue tags.

1. Don’t overdo the action tags to the point of it becoming a “play-by-play.” In other words, a reader does not need to know every bite of food a character takes, or every time they pick up a fork/put it down/chew/take a drink. Mix your tags for the best results. An action tag/no tag/a “saidism”.

2. Don’t use redundant tags. “Get on your knees,” he commanded. First of all, that’s improperly punctuated. *He commanded* is an action tag, not a saidism, because people can’t “command” words. Second, the dialogue itself is obviously a command. You’ve “shown” your reader, via dialogue, he’s commanding her to do something. No need to go on and “tell” them as well, with “he commanded.” Those types of tags are a waste of a wonderful opportunity to use an action tag and build setting/characterization, instead.

3. Don’t use bizarre or unusual tags. Things like, “he propounded” or “she projected” jump off the page, draw the reader’s attention, and immediately remind the reader they are reading a book. The goal is always to keep things smooth, and keep the reader immersed in your fictional dream. Try to use “he/she hissed” *very* sparingly, and only if there’s an S in the dialogue.

Winner will be announced via a special newsletter release on Saturday, September 25th.

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First, we’re working to move our books into print. This is a lot more complicated than some might think, and I’m seriously considering bringing someone in who has a lot more experience with this than I do. I don’t want to divert too much attention away from our e-books, because that’s our primary focus, but we do want to provide print as an option to our readers. More on this as things progress.

Second, we’re working on a site redesign. Our present layout worked fine for a startup, but we’ve grown – a lot – and it’s time to bring the site more in line with the reputation we’ve established. First, we’re changing our tagline. Since we’re moving into all romance sub-genres, including sweet and YA, and because we’ve become known as the publisher that often takes risks and allows authors to remain true to their story and their characters, we’ve gone from “Think Kink” to “Dare to Be Different.” I think it fits. You? Additionally, we’ll be adding the new Most Valuable Reader program, with a lot of cool features, a “top 10″ list for the different sub-genres, and dedicated sub-domains so our YA customers don’t stumble upon the Extreme Kink. There’s more, but again, I’ll post on this as things progress. We expect to have all of this live by October 1st, in time to launch our new YA line.

Second, as I just mentioned, we’re expanding to include straight erotica and YA romance. To learn more about what we’re seeking, visit www.nobleromance.com/submissions.ppx. If you have questions, shoot me an email at jill at nobleromance dot com. Do you write YA or erotica? Will you Dare to Be Different? Send us your submissions at submissions at nobleromance dot com!

That’s all I have time for today. Talk to you soon!

Have Stake, Will Travel, by Rebecca Leigh. Why? Because it’s set on Bora Bora, and the author does a wonderful job of bringing both the setting and the characters to life. And she has a way of turning a phrase sometimes that just “got” me.

Camera Shy, by Lauren Gallagher. Why? Because Simone Farrell is an imperfect heroine who admits her mistakes. I truly admired her bravery in confronting her demons.

Roman Circus, by Carlene Rae Dater. Why? Because it’s TOTALLY FUN. Had me smiling from the first page. A wonderful escape from life’s craziness (into someone else’s crazy life. LOL).

As I said, I love all our books…obviously. Check out all we have to offer at www.nobleromance.com where, in my opinion, you’ll find the best erotic and sweet romance novels around.